So You Want to Talk Sad: a Crash Course in Yearning
- Anna Klausner
- Jan 23
- 5 min read
I would consider myself a medically-recognized “sad girl.” And if there’s one thing I can tell you, it's that there is no melancholy that doesn’t pair well with melodies. But, like the much-recommended ice cream accompaniment, there’s a time for each flavor, or selection of tunes. Whether you’re tapping into your avoidant side or you’re clawing for connection, there’s an art to finding the soundtrack to your sorrow. So let me take your hand and show you the metaphorical, musical map to getting through whatever life has thrown at you today.
When You're Sick of Crying, but Just Went Through a Breakup
Many careers have been made out of the exploitation of breakups, yet sometimes we find ourselves craving silence instead. Songs hold memories, and nights are soundtracked by your playlists. Loss, in any way, is humbling; and in this, there is a chance to grab your headphones and tune into a new frequency. It is no secret that great music has been made in the wake of hurt, and while we can’t all create it, we sure can all enjoy it. Here are three songs I recommend, for when you're sick of crying but still hurting.
“Someone Great” — LCD Soundsystem
"I miss the way we argue / locked, in your basement"
There is something nostalgic to the quality of this song, almost like “Kids” by MGMT; you don’t have to have heard this song before to slip into the world it creates. Overwhelmed by longing, James Murphy outlines the experience of what life is like when “someone great is gone.” That longing for the parts of relationships that were previously unsatisfactory sums up to the tone of this song: it is the rose-tinted glasses we pass around after what we loved is gone, done in a cool, synth-heavy way.
“Renegade” — Big Red Machine, Taylor Swift
"Is it insensitive for me to say / Get your shit together? / So I can love you / Is it really your anxiety/ That stops you from giving me everything? / Or do you just not want to?"
Taylor Swift is an incredible example of someone who has made lemonade out of their ex-boyfriend's lemons. “Renegade” feels like the song out of her discography that has the most relatable anger. Maybe since this song is technically a feature, Taylor’s longing paired with a more powerful rhythm feels utterly different. When other songs of hers may feel artificial, this song feels unapologetically raw.
“Hard Feelings/ Loveless” – Lorde
There is something so unabashedly blunt about this song: from the production to the lyricism, this song is a slam-dunk for me when it comes to what I need to hear after a breakup. It oozes with hope that feels neither fantastical nor artificial, like a friend reminding you that they, too, have been through these hard feelings. It is important to note that two-thirds through this song, Lorde calls out that feeling “Loveless” is part of a larger problem, one that we probably equally contribute to. Though both songs are recorded on one track, they feel distinctly different.
When You're Making a Major Life Change, and Need To Cry About It
There's a very specific type of sadness that comes with making a life change for yourself. These distinct feelings of growing up and maturing require a specific soundtrack to satiate me in these cathartic and nostalgic moments. I have found that the following three songs are ones I'll reach for in these moments.
"Change" — Big Thief
"Would you live forever, never die / While everything around passes?"
Infamously, I only let myself play this song on rare occasions, even though it’s one of my all-time favorites. No one captures the beauty of sadness, or the quiet, routine losses woven into everyday life, quite like Adrienne Lenker. This song explores the questions that you are afraid to ask, like whether you’d rather stay forever in one moment or grow and “change.” Change is my least favorite of facts, but this melody and musicality make me feel, for four minutes and fifty-five seconds, that it will all be okay.
"You’re Gonna Go Far" – Noah Kahan
"It makes me smile to know when things get hard / Ooh, you'll be far / Ooh, you'll be far from here"
Noah Kahan famously references his Zofran prescription and his listener’s need for larger help. While I can’t help but laugh, I do agree that his music radiates an understanding of intense sadness that feels both disarmingly honest and weirdly comforting. This song in particular feels like that first move-in day in college when your family leaves and, for the first time, you are truly alone. It feels like the universality of growing up, while also feeling deeply personal and specific.
"Rivers and Roads" — The Head and the Heart
"And they're goin' to better places/ But our friends will be gone away"
This song fits seamlessly into this category, as it sums up the feelings of leaving in a beautifully plain and simple way. The build-up is slow, and the yearning is stretched through long vocal syllables. It feels universal and comforting, like a big reminder that everything will be okay.
When You're Having an Existential Crisis
Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only person who is questioning the meaning of it all. While the thought –having it, and believing I am the only person having it–– feels incredibly cliché, I know I am not alone in needing music in these moments to be purely relatable, and remind me of all who have and do feel similar.
"Living & Dying & In Between" – Caamp
"I want to live / I don't want to die / They can't fear so much alive"
As an avid Caamp listener, I easily believe that their most recent album, Copper Changes Color, feels like the largest departure from their typical bluesy-pop tunes. “Living & Dying & In Between” is the penultimate track on Copper Changes Color and feels like their most introspective track to date. This song explores the simplicity of the human condition, the things we desire, and the way we all yearn just to feel alive. In moments when I just want to give in to my sadness, this song feels like a great comfort.
"Above the Clouds of Pompeii" – Bear’s Den
This song’s musicality, more than anything, is what makes me consistently weep within the first couple of chords. It feels both like a nursery rhyme in tune and a reality check in lyrics, and I feel myself thinking of a different part of my life upon every listen.
"are you ok?" — Winnetka Bowling League
"Disillusioned as snow angels who thought their wings were permanent"
I play this song whenever I feel the need to mourn, whether it be a person or a part of my life I’ve had to let go. It’s the song of everything you wish you could say to the person you once were and the people who have made you into the person you are today. This song is quiet in its rhythm, letting longing seep through the corners of the steady guitar.
It was nearly impossible for me to boil down the top three songs for each category outlined, and so below is a playlist with further recommendations. Consider this article your crash-course in sad music, and the playlist a master class.
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Change — big thief
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